Thicker Than Water

Recently, I heard about a tragedy that affected a girl I went to grade and high school with.  After hearing about what she went through, and imagining what she is still going through as she deals with the scope of this tragedy, I got to thinking about family.

I was raised to know that family is very important.  While I was born in Canada, I am a first generation Canadian, my parents having moved here in the 60s from Portugal (separately, it would be years before they would meet).  My family was and is close.  Oh, we don’t get together every weekend or anything like that, but it can be quite often when you add it up.  We tend to celebrate big events together, and I don’t just mean weddings, things like 1^st birthdays, communions, confirmations and other milestones.  Then of course, there is at least 2 family barbeques during the summer and we still have Thanksgiving, Christmas and possibly New Years.  There may also be gatherings that are just chances for us to get together.  When you consider how many gatherings that could potentially be in a year, we can see each other quite often.  Of course, sometimes things may get in the way, previous plans, bad weather, illnesses, but we try and to be honest, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve started to enjoy these gatherings more and more (though not all the traveling).  We argue, but we make up.  We try not to let petty things tear us apart, though that’s not saying it hasn’t happened.  I do have an uncle I haven’t seen in years…his choice to remove himself from the family.

There are of course some family members I see or speak to more often then others.  Some are geographically better positioned for visits, and a couple I speak to on Facebook.  I also happen to speak to my mom every day.  But no matter what, no matter where we are, we know we are there for each other.  My maternal grandmother never learned to properly speak English, and as far as I know, never learned to drive.  When she was at home, she used public transit to get around, and if she needed to go to a dr’s appointment where she needed translation, someone went with her.  If there was a family gathering, someone would drive to pick her up and then take her home again (her kids all eventually moved about an hours drive away, though they all live fairly close to each other).  When my grandma needed open heart surgery, she lived with her kids (taking turns between houses) until she was well enough to return home by herself.  When she suffered a series of minor strokes and ended up in hospital, someone was there to be with her every day.  When she eventually lost the ability to speak or do anything for herself and needed to be in a home, her kids and goddaughter took turns coming in to feed her meals, trying to be there for as many meals as possible.  When she passed away, she spent that last day surrounded by her family, and in her final minutes, she was surrounded by her kids.  Life sometimes pulls us away, makes it harder to be there, but we try, and if someone really needs us, we do our best to be there.

That’s how I know that if I ever needed something, my family would be there in a heartbeat, lending all the support they possibly can. 

They can drive me crazy sometimes, but I love my family, and I’m so lucky to have them!

The Beauty of Nature

I decided to add this post because I saw something that truly inspired me, so I wanted to share.

One thing to know about me is I love nature.  I was born in Toronto and lived in the suburbs.  We weren’t far from farmland, but unless you drove the 15 plus minutes to the farms, you really couldn’t tell.  It would actually kind of freak me out to be able to see the stars, with all the city lights, that wasn’t always possible.  As I got older, I learned to really appreciate the wonder and beauty of nature.  Cicadas buzzing during the hot summer afternoons, the raw power of a thunder and lightening storm, the calm quiet of a cold winter night with the snow gently falling outside and the brilliant colours of the leaves painting the countryside during the fall.  I love seeing the animals too.  The first time I saw a deer outside of a zoo I was beside myself, I was so excited I couldn’t wait to tell someone.  When I moved into a smaller town and found rabbits in my backyard (which turned into a slight annoyance when my dog would freak out or they ate my blueberries), or the time I saw a pair of foxes in my backyard, I was stunned!  They were so close, so amazing and so beautiful, even more so since they were free.

When I stop for a moment and really appreciate the nature around me, I’m sometimes filled with such awe, it takes my breath away.  Most of the time, when I stop and watch a sunrise or sunset, or just enjoy a quiet sunny afternoon, no matter what the season, I am filled with peace.  It’s one of the few times that it feels like everything is back to centre, that everything makes sense.

And sometimes, something I see will bring me to tears.  I know this might seem silly, but watching this amazing video of Starlings did just that.  You don’t always have to go looking for beauty in magazines or online, sometimes, you just have to step outside.

http://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2011/11/video-a-murmuration-of-starlings/247852/

Bullying

Some of you may have heard about the No More Bullies campaign that was started by Majic 100, a radio station in Ottawa.  Since this started, I’ve been hearing more stories of people who have been bullied in school and how they want to stop bullying and support kids who are being bullied now. 

Seeing all these stories made me think about my own experiences and what I’ve heard from others.  Was I bullied?  I don’t know.  I was teased, ostracized, made to feel unwanted or “un-cool” by some of my schoolmates, so maybe in a sense, I was bullied.  I was a small child and looked younger then I was.  I was also innocent enough to not know a lot of things that other kids, the cool kids, in my class knew.  I remember one classmate in particular, in about grade 3, pushing me towards the grade 1s, telling me that that’s where I belonged.  She stands out in my mind because she felt the need to point out my differences more than anyone else.  Eventually, I grew up though and stopped letting the words of others bother me so much.  Oh, don’t get me wrong, I think those early experiences shaped who I am today.  I still care what others think, just maybe not as much as I used to.  I was also lucky enough that this “bullying” was never very bad and eventually became less and less the older I got.

Once I hit my early teens, I joined a local Air Cadet squadron.  There I found more friends, friends I still have to this day, and I gained a good sense of who I was.  It also helped to give me confidence.  But shortly after I left, I heard about a boy from my former squadron who committed suicide.  He was being bullied at school and finally couldn’t take any more.  I wonder if the students involved in his bullying ever realized how powerful words could be, and if they ever regretted their actions and changed their ways.  I’ll never know, but I know it breaks my heart when I hear about that happening.  Why are words filled with hate always so much stronger then ones filled with love?

Who needs to step up when someone is being bullied?  I think this is a joint effort!  It starts at the root, if a student or students see someone being bullied, they should speak up, whether it’s to confront the bully and stand up for the victim, or to tell an authority figure.  The parents/caregivers should be involved of course, both sets.  If you find out your child is being bullied, working with the school to see about correcting the problem is what most parents would do.  Sometimes, the school might not even be aware it’s happening so the parent is the first one to bring it to their attention.  Then of course the parents of the bully need to step up and work with the school to ensure this doesn’t happen again.  Then of course, the school plays an integral role in helping not only stop the issue, but making sure that there are procedures in place to try and resolve the issue and prevent further problems.  But what happens when someone doesn’t do his or her part?  What happens when that someone is a parent, or the staff at a school?  They become enablers.  They provide the bullies with excuses for what they do and they never learn to correct their behaviour.  Unfortunately, I have also heard of this happening.

I’ve heard of an instance where a child was bullying other children, and when the principal brought it to the attention of the mother, the mother turned around and made accusations against the principal.  Even after the child was suspended from school for injuring another child, the mother still dropped him off since the school was not allowed to turn the child away.  What has this child learnt?  That bullying is ok because you can sidestep the problem by blaming others?  Or when a punishment is handed out, that he can flout authority? In this case, the mother became part of the problem.

Then there is the instance where the schools aren’t doing enough, or are making things more difficult for the child.  If a school isn’t taking enough action to protect the victims of bullying, or refusing to make concessions or to be lenient of a child who has limitations, physical or otherwise, they add to the stress the child may be feeling.  If that child was already unsure, or unhappy, without support at the school, things will only get worse. 

As parents, all we can do is fight, and keep fighting.  And hope that one day, people young and old, will realize the power of their words and actions on others, and maybe, just maybe, they’ll learn some empathy.  That’s what I’m striving to teach my children, my own mantra, “How would you feel if that was you…”   

#NoMoreBullies