Son's Entrance

Son's pregnancy was very different from daughter's, for one thing, while I suffered from morning sickness, it wasn't as severe as it was the 1st time, but I felt nauseous all day long, which was awesome because it made caring for a dog and a toddler sooo much fun!  Son was also more active than daughter was, and luckily, the heartburn held out until later in the pregnancy and wasn't as bad.  I also had braxton hicks (BH) for the 1st time, and my stomach seemed more tender, not to mention I would get round ligament pain that would stop me in my tracks for 5 minutes at a time.  I was also more nervous with him, he was conceived 3 months after my miscarriage, and that made both me and hubby cautious and overanalytical.  Aside from now worrying more about the pregnancy and the baby, we also had other stress in our lives, stress which actually activated my BH contractions and sent me to a dr more than once when I had difficulty getting them to calm.

The week before I gave birth, I started to have some indication that something would happen soon.  The monday before his birth, I went in to the hospital to be checked out because I had been achy and crampy all day and been having a lot of BH.  I had an NST (Non-Stress Test) done, and was checked out, and everything seemed to be fine with baby, but nothing else was going on with my body.  2 days later on the Wednesday night, I started to lose my mucus plug.  Friday afternoon, I got a call from my dr's office saying they had cultured my urine from my Wednesday dr's appointment and found I had a UTI.  I started the antibiotics that day and while I was still getting BH, things seemed to quiet down over the weekend.  We decided to do some visiting and spent Saturday and Sunday driving to see family.  Monday I was tired, and felt a little achy and crampy again, but didn't think much of it since we had had a busy weekend and I was still taking my meds for the UTI.  By some lucky coincidence, hubby got off work early on Monday and was home shortly after lunch.  I remember complaining to him that my hips were bothering me.  With him home, I lay down for a late nap and slept from 3-6pm while he got daughter up from her nap and looked after her until I got up.  The evening was quiet, but I still wasn't feeling well with the achy crampy feeling.

We ended up going to bed late for some reason that night and the crampy feeling was making it hard for me to sleep.  I had even had a shower before bed to try and relax (and for some reason took the time to shave), but still wasn't settling enough.  Around 2am, I got up to pee and turned on the light to check the tissue and found bloody show.  With me still on antibiotics for a UTI and with my history (daughter's labor being so quick), I was concerned about what that could mean and what I should do.   I stewed about this for a little while trying to figure out what my body was doing.  I was now feeling pain and discomfort with the contractions, but for some reason I doubted my own ability to determine when I was in labour.  I finally woke hubby and told him that I think we needed to call my mom to come over to look after daughter.  She lives an hour away on the other side of a major city, and too soon, morning rush hour would be starting.  We made the call at 3:30am and hubby got up to shower and get things ready.  I stayed in bed to try and relax, I was tired, but still unable to sleep.  I was timing some of my contractions about 10 minutes apart, but then there would be a long gap before they started again.  My mom arrived at about 5am, but with my contractions being so inconsistent I thought to maybe wait to see how things progressed.  About an hour later though, the pain and contractions were becoming more defined so we decided to head out to the hospital.  We arrived around 7am and I was admitted to be checked out and hooked up for another NST.  My dr came in around 9am and I was given an internal.  I was 2cm dialated, 80% effaced and anterior (a huge difference from the week before), but baby's head was still floating.  Since it was an almost 1hr round trip back home, my dr asked me to stay at the hospital and take a walk around and I would be checked again around 12noon.  Hubby went back home to take our dog to the kennel and I had a little snack in the cafeteria, but the pain was becoming very uncomfortable.  When I was checked again at noon, I was 3cm and 95% effaced and baby was slowly descending.  With my progress and history, I was fully admitted, and the wait began.  Unfortunately, while I knew walking around and distracting myself might help to speed up the labour and work through the contractions, the pain and my sleepless night were catching up with me and all I wanted to do was sleep.  I stayed laying down in bed and with my eyes closed, tried to sleep, or at least doze as much as possible.  I guess the closest thing I can get to describing where I went next is I put myself into a medative state.  I was aware, but at the same time, not really aware of what was going on around me.  I was offered pain meds or an epi.  I outright declined an epi (I'm terrified of them), but after a while, did agree to morphine to help take the edge off the pain.  I was 5cm when I was given the morphine and after about 30 minutes was able to handle the pain well enough to get out of bed and sit in the shower.  The pain was all in my hips and as it peaked, descended into my thighs.  As I sat in the shower, hubby took the spray and sprayed my lower back and thighs.  I was impressed with him, in my state, even more awake now that I was up and moving, I still wasn't talking much and as a contraction came, could only really shake my head or make hand movements to indicate when I wanted him to move the spray side to side across my back.  Without really having to instruct him more than once, he did it every time he saw my head start to shake back and forth.  I think we stayed in the shower for close to an hour before going to lay back down.  I was aware when the morphine started to wear off and asked for another dose, but was told by the nurse they wouldn't give me any more too close to birth time because they wanted it out of my system before baby was born.  I was checked for progress and was now 7cm.  It had been at least 2 hrs since I had been given the shot.  I asked if there was anything else I could be given and was told that they had something (can't remember the name now), but they would put an IV lock in my hand and I would be given fluids (I really wasn't drinking much) and given a shot of these meds which were like morphine, but left the system within 45min-1hr.  I continued laying down, and stayed in my medative state.  I completely lost track of time, barely even aware of the nurses coming in and out though I was introduced to them when the shifts changed.  When son's head engaged, my dr offered to break my water, but I declined, wanting things to go as naturally as possible.  Hubby kept timing my contractions, but the only thing I was aware of was that my contractions started off at 4min apart when he started and went down to 3min where they stayed for a while.  During the time of my un-awareness, I remember hearing conversations between hubby and the nurse(s).  Our hospital was right off the highway and my labour room over looked it and apparently there was a 6 car pile up just outside, and later on, even a bad storm that hit.  I was locked in my own state though and was only barely aware of these things going on.

I was told at one point that I had stalled and again they offered to break my water.  I was starting to waver, but the nurse decided to check me first before any decisions were made, and just after the check, my water started breaking by itself.  It sounded like she said at that point that my first bag broke and that was the time she went to call in my dr to finish breaking the second bag.  Before she could though, it all went and my pain increased and contractions started getting closer together.  I don't know how much time passed after that point, I was completely locked in my own pain, but my dr eventually arrived and they could see that I was ready.  My body was starting to bear down, but it still wasn't as intense of a feeling as I had with daughter (I barely had to push with her because my body did all the work).  The pain was so much more intense now that I started moaning through the contractions.  As they prepared to deliver the baby, I remember them telling hubby to grab one leg while a nurse grabbed the other.  They were telling me to spread my knees as much as possible and to use my hands to pull at my legs, but I struggled with that.  I wanted to push my legs, and was pulling the handles on the bed.  I don't know what I said, but I was aware that I was slowly getting louder (though not screaming).  I don't know how many pushes it took, but I know it wasn't very long before I could feel son start to crown.  The whole time I was aware of the nurse and hubby saying encouragements to me while my dr instructed me to push.  After a few pushes, son finally emerged and I could hear that beautiful cry.  He was born at 8:55pm that Tuesday evening at 37 weeks 4days gestational age.  He was placed on my chest where he was able to stay for a few minutes before they took him to get his measurements and clean him up.

Hubby and I were pleased with our experience that day.  The nurses never pushed, but only suggested things to help me along the way and I was able to labour as naturally as possible.  They were also all so great and friendly, though I barely remember that point.  I do remember one nurse saying I was unique, though I had to get hubby later to confirm which nurse said that since I was out of it during that time.  The reason she said that was because I had gone into my "medative" state and they barely knew what was going on with me since I was so quiet during the labour.  While daughter's labour was completely natural (the most I had for pain meds with her was tylenol since she was an unplanned home birth), I was still pleased that I was able to do the labour with meds that didn't completely deaden the pain, but only took the edge off.

This experience was definitely different from daughter's birth, and hubby had the added help of the wonderful nurses who were always nearby and checking on us, the only sour point in the experience for him was during one of my trips to the restroom.  I was feeling nauseous as the morphine left my system, and as I tried to explain to him that I needed something to throw up in, he kept moving closer to me and ended up within my range when I finally threw up.  Oh well, I had to give him something, with daughter he had to deliver, this time I just threw up on his shoes, that's better right?

My Angel

A lot of people don't know I've actually been pregnant 3 times, my 2nd pregnancy ended in miscarriage at 12 weeks 2 days.

I won't say this pregnancy was an accident, but it was sooner then we expected.  We had planned to start trying for another child in the fall of 2009, but I got pregnant that summer.  I remember having some concerns since it was sooner then we had planned, I hadn't been taking any folic acid though I know many women have healthy pregnancies without taking it before hand.  I also had barely any pregnancy symptoms, which did bother me.  I know there are women who have no morning sickness at all and give birth to healthy babies, but I had been so sick with daughter, it bothered me that I barely had anything.  There was something else though, a feeling deep inside I couldn't shake that something wasn't right.  I was sent for a dating ultrasound at about 8 or 9 weeks, and I remember getting teary eyed when I saw the baby on the screen and saw it's little heart beating, I was so grateful everything was ok. It was an odd reaction, I didn't have any history of miscarriage and my pregnancy and labor with daughter had been normal and uncomplicated.

Hubby insisted we wait until I was at least 12 weeks along before we started telling people.  Our parents actually knew before that day, but I asked if we could start telling right at 12 weeks.  We were going to a wedding that weekend and both my brothers would be there so I wanted to tell them in person.  That friday we called his brothers to let them know.  Since the wedding was a distance from home, we had booked a room to stay over-night at the resort where the wedding was being held.  As we were getting ready, before the ceremony, we saw my brothers and I told them our news, I was too excited to wait.  My older brother was a member of the wedding party and at some point that evening he told the bride and groom. We also had some mutual friends there and at one point I was asked when we were planning on having another child and I slyly informed them, "in 6 months".  It was a good night and we had a lot of fun and at the end of the evening, hubby and I had a little bit of a celebration of our own.  Afterwards, I remember being a bit nervous when I started spotting, though I kept telling myself it was completely normal, a lot of women spot after intercourse.

It was a busy weekend for us, that sunday was the day we picked up our puppy, and by the time we got home sunday evening, I was exhausted.  Monday, hubby went back to work and I stayed at home caring for daughter and our new pup.  Just before lunch, I went to the bathroom to find I was passing clots, my heart stopped.  It was enough that I needed to wear a pad, but not enough that I was soaking through it.  I decided to go to the hospital after I had fed daughter and the dog their lunch, and by the time they were done, I was anxious to get going and remember getting frustrated with the puppy when I put her outside and she wouldn't do anything.

The hospital was busy that monday afternoon and since I wasn't cramping or actively bleeding, I ended up waiting 3 hours before I was seen by a dr. It was a stressful 3 hours.  Hubby stayed at work since the hospital didn't seem too concerned, and I was left pacing the hospital corridors with a rising stress level and an 18 month old who refused to nap.  When I was finally seen, blood was taken to determine my hCG levels, the dr did an internal check and informed me my cervix was closed (a good sign), and I was asked to come back the following afternoon for an ultrasound.  By the time my hospital visit was ending, I remember being annoyed that hubby hadn't been there for me, though I was the one who told him in the beginning not to worry about it.  He did agree to take the following day off work though to help care for daughter while I had my ultrasound. Overnight, I woke at one point and felt a mild cramping, and as I drifted back to sleep, I knew that wasn't good.  I woke in the early hours of the morning to cramping that was similar to period cramping, unable to lay in bed anymore I went downstairs to lay on the couch and ended up finding a channel that played old cartoons I remembered watching when I was a kid, for some reason, this calmed me.  Eventually, hubby got up and came looking for me, I told him what I suspected and we started making plans to go to the hospital.  Since daughter was still asleep, and I knew I wouldn't be able to deal with this while worrying about a toddler running around a hospital, but also knowing I would need hubby there with me, I told him to call his parents (who were luckily on vacation that week), and ask them to get here as soon as they could (I assumed my own mother was at work at that point and figured my in-laws were a good choice since not only could they care for daughter, but they were good with animals and could properly care for the pup). I showered, attempted to eat something, and left for the hospital by myself, arriving at just after 9am.

I was a mess, the pains were getting stronger and I knew what was happening now and as I sat waiting to see the triage nurse, I couldn't stop myself from crying.  I didn't care about the people sitting across from me, or others walking by, my heart was starting to break and I couldn't stop the pain.  When I finally went before the triage nurse and she asked me what was wrong, I tried to tell her, but there was no volume to my voice and she had to ask me to repeat myself.  The second time, I almost yelled the words in my attempt to get them out, "I think I'm having a miscarriage", I couldn't believe how hard it was to say those words.  After responding to her questions, I was asked to wait just a couple more minutes while they cleaned a room for me.  I didn't have to wait long before I was in the room, then just a few more minutes before a dr came in to see me.  Since everything was happening so fast, they hadn't even had time to get me a gown, so the dr got me one, then gave me a couple more minutes to get changed.  As I sat there waiting for him to return, the pain was becoming more intense, though not nearly as bad as the contractions for a full term baby, when I suddenly felt a pop and then felt the gush of fluid.  I had felt my water break with daughter, there was no mistaking what had just happened now.  I became hysterical, crying so hard I could barely speak.  I was in a private room behind a closed door and a little away from the nurses station, I tried calling out for help, but they couldn't hear me and I couldn't yell loud enough since I was crying so hard.  I remembered the call button, and when the nurse answered, I told her something had happened and I needed them.  Once she came and saw for herself, she rushed away to get a wheelchair and I was moved closer to the nurses station.  I was crying so hard I couldn't see.  I was placed in a bed and I was surrounded by nurses and the dr.  Someone was trying to get an IV into me and I remember a voice saying, it's ok honey, don't be brave, have some pain meds.  I agreed, I didn't need to be brave, how could I when my heart was hurting so bad.  There were more words, none of which I remember, I barely noticed the faces surrounding me.  More blood was drawn and I barely noticed.  Eventually I was left alone and then hubby arrived.  I don't know what, or if the nurses told him anything, but at one point I looked at him and saw his eyes were red.  It was his pain too.

I was told that I would have an ultrasound at 10:30am, but this was just to see what, if anything, had passed, we all already knew what was happening and the dr had already told me my cervix was open.  A lot of fluids were being pumped into me through the IV and twice I had to use the restroom to pee.  Both times I needed an escort in the form of hubby since they didn't want to risk me collapsing.  The 2nd time, as I finished peeing, I felt something large pass, another shock, another punch to the gut.  As I turned to look, my eyes were so blurry I could barely see, but I knew, it had happened.  As this was happening, there was a knock on the bathroom door, it was the nurse, they had come to get me to take me for my ultrasound.  I was crying so hard when hubby opened the door for the nurse.  But I remember the frozen looks on their faces.  That blank look of shock on hubby's when it first happened, that same look on the nurse's face when she walked up to the toilet and looked down to see what I couldn't and confirm what I knew, the baby had passed.  I was led to the stretcher for my trip to ultrasound and for some reason we had to wait a couple minutes before we could go.  I'm not sure why we had to wait, I never thought to ask and I really didn't care.  As I lay there crying, I felt a hand gently start to stroke my cheek and heard someone murmuring words of comfort, it was the staff member who had come to take me to ultrasound.  I never got to tell her, but in that one moment, I did feel comforted and I have never forgotten that small gesture that meant so much to me.

The ultrasound confirmed that the baby had passed and the dr released me to go home, prescribing me some pain killers. He tried offering words of comfort, telling me it was nothing I did, and hubby found comfort in his words, but I didn't.  On the way home, we stopped to fill the prescription and to get some lunch, and while hubby picked it up, I decided to try calling my mom at home.  She had been off work that day and I told her what had happened.  She came up the next day to help us out since I was feeling pretty weak.

In the beginning, I didn't want to talk about, didn't want anyone to even mention it to me, not even an "I'm sorry".  I was upset and easily irritated, I only talked about when I felt like talking about it.  It's easier for me to talk about now, over 2 years later, but it can still make me cry, even writing this post has me crying.  During that time, I ended up on a message board talking to other women who had miscarried, it was easy to talk to them, they had been there, or were going through the same thing.  I found that we were alike in many ways.  We appreciated the support from our family and friends who knew, but found that many would say things they thought were comforting, but really weren't.  Things like, there's a reason this happened, it's just God's plan, or you can try again.

For the record, all we really need to hear is, "I'm sorry", and "I'm here if you need me".

Many of us needed to also honor our little angels in some way.  I ended up getting a little memorial stone and an angel for our Christmas tree.  Some people didn't understand why we needed to do this (luckily hubby was very supportive) but the thing some don't understand is that no matter when I lost the child, it was still MY baby!  I loved it from the moment I knew I was carrying it, and the day I saw it's heart beating on the screen.  When I lost it, a piece of my heart went with it, and I still sometimes struggle with the after effects.

This is the first time I've ever fully described what happened to me that day.  It was a story I needed to tell, and maybe it'll help someone else understand what we go through.  As I write this, I'm thinking of Michelle Duggar who hopefully never saw all the rude and insensitive comments that were being written after she miscarried her 21st pregnancy (for those who don't know, her 1st was also a miscarriage).  Maybe if they had read this and had an idea what it's like, they would know that it doesn't matter if it's your 1st, 2nd or 20th pregnancy, when you lose a baby, you lose a small piece of your heart.

Unexpected Arrival

My little girl was my first and in the beginning, I had big plans.  I wanted to do everything as natural as possible, meaning I was pretty much dead set against an epidural!  Ok, I’ll admit it, I’m terrified of needles so an epidural was one of those things that I admitted would be a last minute, I’m-in-so-much-pain-give-me-drugs type deal.  When we first started discussing who would deliver the baby, I kind of held back.  The hospital in my city doesn’t have a birthing unit so I had to chose between 2 other hospitals.  Hubby had heard good things about a hospital further east of us, so we agreed on that, but we still needed to find someone who had delivering privileges at that hospital.  I had a friend who was also pregnant at the time who was encouraging me to try midwives.  I have to admit, I liked the sound of it and after some “discussions” with hubby, I called to see if a local midwife's office would take me on.  Since they are incredibly busy, I was actually put on a waiting list and still had to find a dr just in case.  We finally did decide on a dr who had delivering privileges at the hospital of our choosing, but I wasn’t happy with the way things were working out.  I was nervous, and while my family dr was doing all the prenatal things with me and told me she would continue my care until the other dr took over, I wasn’t pleased that this other dr wouldn’t even be seeing me until I was over half way through my pregnancy.  I can’t remember the exact date now, but I remember being unhappy that he would only see me a few times before delivering my baby.  It just didn’t seem right.  Luckily though, I was still in the 1st half of my pregnancy when I got a call from the midwives office saying they had an opening.  I started my appointments soon afterwards and was pleased with the attention I was receiving.  The appointments were longer then my regular dr’s appointments and I felt more comfortable (I love my family dr, but it was nice to know I had the extra time if I had any questions or concerns).  I’ll admit though, hubby wasn’t pleased about us going with a midwife.  I had to pull the “I’m the one pushing this kid out so I want to be comfortable” card.  Actually, I pulled a lot of cards to finally get him to agree and stop bothering me about it, including the, “my mom was delivered by a midwife, what’s the big deal?”.  But he wasn’t the only one who wasn’t too thrilled about me having a midwife.  Unfortunately, when people think midwives, they think home births and who knows what else, but I knew (as do many other women), that for a woman who has a healthy low-risk pregnancy, a home birth can be just as safe as a hospital birth, not to mention, women who have midwives tend to have less interventions.  Or if you're like me and nervous about doing it at home, many midwives have delivering privileges at local hospitals.  That was the deciding factor, not only was I comfortable with the women I was meeting at my appointments, but I knew when I finally went into labour, they would be able to do the delivery at the hospital of my choosing.

My pregnancy progressed well with no complications aside from getting a bad cold in my 1st and 3rd trimester.  Oh, and of course the lovely morning sickness and heartburn.  I had joint pain, but no braxton hicks and I was very uncomfortable by the end of my pregnancy.  I had gone off work 8 weeks before my due date (for personal reasons) and was enjoying that time getting ready for our little girl (we did find out the sex beforehand) and resting whenever I could.  I was also still fairly active.  Just before the new year, hubby had hernia surgery and was unable to lift…well anything really.  Of course, that was the year that we had some pretty heavy snowfall and big snowstorms.  With hubby unable to shovel the drive, I went out to do it while I was 9 months pregnant.  Don’t worry, I took my time and put less on the shovel then I normally would.  I also had the added help from neighbors and my brother who became stranded at our place during one bad storm.  I think a lot of that activity helped later when it came time for the baby to come.  


I was a furnace near the end.  That term “bun in the oven” seemed almost literal for me!  I was so hot, even though it was early spring and still cold out, I slept in as little as possible.  I know a lot of women will say that at their last dr’s appointment they were “_cm” dilated, I honestly don’t know.  I didn’t want to be checked and my midwives never pushed to check me.  I do know however, that on the Wednesday before my little girl was born, my midwife confirmed that she had dropped and was pretty much in position.  Having heard all the stories about how first time moms usually go late and have long labours, well, I didn’t know what was going on when 2 days later, on the Friday, I woke up with mild cramping pain at 7am.  The pain wasn’t bad, just enough to irritate me.  Hubby and I had celebrated our 2nd anniversary earlier during the week, but because of hubby’s work schedule, had decided to wait until that Friday to go out for dinner.  Knowing we were just a week away from my due date, we figured this might be the last dinner out we would get alone for a while.  After waking up so early, I decided that a nap was in order before we did dinner and hubby had agreed to an early meal to try and avoid the usual Friday night dinner crowds.  During the day, before I lay down for a nap after lunch, I noticed I had started to spot.  By the time I lay down, while the pain wasn’t really bad, I was starting to feel a little sick from the discomfort.  When I woke up, the pain was getting a little more pronounced, but I was buzzing.  Something seemed to be happening!  I was also starting to bleed, so I put in a call to the midwives office to let them know.  They told me not to worry.  I don’t remember the exact words used now, but I got the impression they really didn’t consider me in labour, or even at the beginning of labour.  We went to Red Lobster for dinner (it would become a joke later about being a great labour inductor) and during dinner, the pain would be uncomfortable enough that I would push out with my legs and gasp a little, but I remember being excited, so excited it really didn’t bother me too much.  Like I said, we had an early dinner and were home by 6pm the latest.  For some reason, I don’t remember the next 4 hours, they seemed to blend together, I just remember my pains were starting to get stronger and more uncomfortable.  I was also starting to feel sick from the pain.  I had an exercise ball I tried sitting on, but it just annoyed me and I remember pushing it away in frustration and wondering why someone would recommend something like that when it was so uncomfortable.  At about 10:30pm, I took 2 Gravol and 2 Tylenol to try and help.  I know, anyone who’s been in labour is probably laughing, Tylenol, to help labour pains?!  But I tried.  The Gravol did help however, though I was a little surprised it didn’t make me fall asleep like it normally does.  I later figured it was because I was just so on edge and the pains were so strong that it just wasn’t working on me like it normally did.  10:30 was also about the time I started timing my contractions, I still have the sheets I marked it down on somewhere.  My contractions were 20 minutes apart in the beginning, and 1 minute long.  The odd thing was, my contractions were not consistent, I say 20 minutes apart, but they were sometimes 20min, sometimes 17, and then back up.  This was the start of my confusion, I had read that when your in labour, contractions are consistent, I think I had even read you can usually set a watch by them they are so consistent!  Not me!  I also couldn’t sit down, it was too uncomfortable!  So I paced.  Back and forth I walked, stopping only when a contraction hit.  I would later realize and remember what I read, that I was doing the perfect thing to encourage baby into position.  After 2 hours, my contractions became closer together though they were still inconsistent.  From 12:30-1:30am, I timed them at about 5min apart though they sometimes ended up as close as 1min apart.  It was at that point that we decided to page our midwife.  It was approximately 2am when she called back and I remember being on the phone speaking to her.  I was a first time mom, still a week away from my due date and my contractions, while close together, were inconsistent.  I was told it was early labour, and since I was starting to feel sick again, was told I can take Gravol and Tylenol to try and help, and to try to lay down and get some rest.  This is where the first mistake came.  Given the information I was giving her then, and the fact I had been bleeding since earlier in the day, she should have come to check me, but I think her tiredness dulled her mind and she didn’t.  It didn’t help that I was also able to speak through most of my contractions.  Since I had already learned the feel of my contraction, I could tell the start, feel the peak and breath in relief as it ended, I was able to speak during the start and end, but would pause as it peaked.  I remember her making a comment about me being able to speak through a contraction and I think that also made her believe that they weren’t that bad yet.  Oh, how little did we know!  It was approximately 2: 30am when I took another 2 Gravol (note that I had just had about 4 Gravol in the space of 4hours and I admitted that 2 usually knock me out) and lay down in our spare room with hubby.  He had lay down in there thinking he would leave me our bed, but the spare bed was lower and easier for me to get onto.  After a short while of me tossing and turning, hubby moved back into our room claiming he didn’t want to disturb my sleep (sure!).  The next 3 1/2 hours were a blur.

Sometime after I lay down in the dark room and hubby went to lay in our room, my body began bearing down, but at that point, the Gravol was acting like a sedative.  I seemed to wake briefly to experience a contraction, some of them right on top of each other, but would fall back asleep before I could get my body to obey the words my mind was thinking…such as call hubby because I don’t think I should be pushing!  At some point, I thought I had to use the bathroom and somehow managed to get into the main bath that just happened to be right outside the master bedroom door, but even sitting on the toilet with the light on didn’t help, I continued to pass out between contractions!  Now, I apologize about the TMI, but maybe this will serve as a warning for another 1st time mom who doesn’t realize what things feel like.  But as I sat on the toilet, I honestly thought I had to have a bowel movement and remember becoming frustrated that nothing was happening!  Finally, the Gravol started to wear off enough that when hubby got up to use our ensuite bathroom, I woke up enough to speak to him.  I asked him what time it was, he told me 5:55am, he asked me if I was ok, I told him no, he needed to page the midwife now!  The next little while became a blur, hubby came into the bathroom to check on me (not hard since the door was already wide open) and I couldn’t move from my spot.  The pain was too much!  It was as he was on the phone, with either the midwife or the answering service that my water finally broke.  Because of my position and the pressure baby was putting on it, there was no mistaking what was happening.  Thank goodness I at least was on the toilet so I didn’t have to clean up that mess!  Then the contractions changed, the pressure I had felt before now became a more directed pain down below.  Hubby was running around trying to get things ready for the midwife when she arrived (putting our dog in the spare room so she wouldn’t get in the way, turning on lights, ect).  She said she would be there in 15min, but we were out of time.  I began to feel the baby crowning, and I’m sure if someone had been video taping us, our conversation would have been something to laugh over later.  I had been quiet during most of my labour, but now as the pain increased with her emerging, I was becoming vocal, then her head came out and stayed out.  Hubby was preparing for a home birth, grabbing clean towels and such since we knew that there was no way we would make it to the hospital, when the head emerged.  The following conversation is as close as I can remember to the actual conversation.  Me: “OMG!  What the hell is that!”, Him: “I don’t know! What is it?”, Me: “I think it’s her head” (What?! I had never seen a newborn’s head and it was covered with hair and other stuff!).

At this point, I’m still sitting (or hovering) over the toilet, not exactly the ideal location to deliver a baby.  Hubby had luckily worked with emergency services before and had been present at a couple of emergency deliveries so he kicked into gear.  “Where do you want to do this? Bathroom or bedroom?”.  Now, I’ll admit, a bit of pride colored my answer and I told him bedroom.  I didn’t want to tell our daughter that I had delivered her on the bathroom floor.  At this point my contractions seem to have stopped, but her head was out and we needed to finish delivering her.  Hubby quickly ran clean towels to our bed and lay them out, then came back and helped me hobble the few feet into the room, he then helped me up onto the bed and took over.  I remember at some point, either before I pushed her completely out, or just after, hubby asked if we should call 911 and I said no.  I didn’t know which hospital they would take us to, and I didn’t want to end up at one particular hospital, plus my midwife was on her way and she would have a kit with her to finish the birth.  As I lay on the bed, with no more contractions to help me, hubby had to encourage me to finish pushing her out, and of course by this point I was tired and sore and didn’t want to.  It only took me a couple of pushes, and I remember telling him I didn’t want to do it anymore because it hurt, but he kept encouraging.  He told me he could see her head and her shoulder, and with one final push, the rest of her emerged.  With her still out of my sight, I vaguely remember hearing one cry, and then hubby wrapped a clean towel around her and laid her on my chest before running to call our midwife again to tell her that our little girl had arrived.  While hubby was unlocking our front door, I looked at the clock on the nightstand and saw it was 6:27am on Saturday morning.  We hadn’t taken any birthing classes, but someone had recommended reading The Birth Partner by Penny Simkin.  Hubby had never read it, but I had and I had made notes.  For some reason, I had also read the section on emergency births, and remembered how it said to rub the baby to stimulate circulation, so while she was still on my chest, under the towel, I began to rub as best I can.  She seemed to be asleep, but I could see her breathing and that calmed me a bit.  The midwife arrived maybe about 5min after our daughter did (I’m a bit fuzzy on time).  She helped to clamp the cord, and like we had originally planned, hubby got to cut it.  We were all in shock that day, and I still can't believe what happened.

 I have to say this though, when we bought our mattress protector, we never realized it would come in so handy, but it definitely saved our mattress that day! Everyone was amazed by what happened to us and plenty of jokes were made about hubby delivering our little girl.  I had never planned on a home birth, and I still would be too nervous to have a planned one, but it was nice being at home, everything I wanted was near, and it was definitely comfortable.  Not to mention everyone knew where we were and didn’t have to pay for parking.

Now she’s a toddler and just as impatient as she was the day she arrived.  But just like the day she arrived, she continues to take me by surprise and amaze me.

And one thing I know for sure, if your partner tells you they don’t want to see what’s happening, tell them to never say never, or they could end up like my hubby with front row seats!  

Advance Notice

O.K., so a little while back, I read a tweep's birth story about her unexpected delivery and mentioned that I had had one as well.  I promised her I would post my story, but I've also decided to write about my other pregnancies/deliveries.

The stories will appear in the order they happened, and I apologize in advance, they will be a little TMI.

There is also one story I've decided to include because it's shaped who I am today, and I've never forgotten.  Most of my family knows, but not a lot of my friends and acquaintances know that I have actually been pregnant 3 times and my second pregnancy ended in miscarriage at 12 weeks.

This is an advance warning, so if you decide that reading about that miscarriage might be too difficult, then you'll know to skip that one.

Some of you may wonder why post a birth story, but it's surprising how interested others are in hearing about them.  I know I probably wouldn't have cared before I had kids,but since then, I enjoy reading/hearing about other women's experiences.